I’ve had a depressing few days. By that I don’t mean a bunch of sad and miserable circumstances transpired to bring me down, but that in my own head I became incredibly depressed, seemingly from out of nowhere. Tiredness and thinking fairly deeply for a while combined with some frustrating interactions with people, and my head kind of exploded. It’s very rare for me these days, and when I do start to feel down I know there are several things I can do right away to stop it spiralling. But nothing worked over the weekend, and I just felt tense, angry and as if bile wass just being pumped into my gut in great measures. Although I tend to think kind of deeply about things, I become in these instances uncharacteristically intense in my thinking, narrowing in on one small thing and blowing it right out of proportion till it seems to fill my vision. I also found myself more irritable and rude to people I care about, often as an expression of so called ‘humour’.
It worries me that this sort of thing can still happen to me, however rarely. But this weekend has alerted me to the fact that, even if only once or twice a year, these experiences will come, and I can’t be passive about that. Pre-emptive care is important, not merely remedial actions.
What’s important, when you’ve got a melancholic disposition like me, is to own it, take charge, learn what can be helpful and do it.